Talk:Fornicus, Lord of Bondage and Pain/@comment-80.212.223.19-20140212224550/@comment-12.202.84.227-20140222200431

Eh... It just seems boring and unimaginative, to say the least.

Expand the vocabulary, the majority of the dialogue is childish in nature and you need more creatively in your descriptions. Scare and disgust your audience, that's the point of this story, yeah? It's more cringe-worthy due to its simplicity than anything else. I dig what you're doing, but you can make it sooooooo much better. Good luck!

By the way, you gotta proofread.